Not that I fear death nor do I forget that this is a sensitive subject. This is particularly something that is on my mind since my husband passed away on December 7, 2017. There is only so much that one person can do by themselves and everyone expects them to hold it together. My stepson and a brother-in-law have been helping me with the details.
Well, we are burying him in his hometown of Fairbury, NE two days after the memorial, those were his last wishes. Therefore since I don’t have a car anymore, and I was in an extreme state of emotional turmoil these were the reasons that kept me from making another simple decision. Whether I could drive myself up there and/or stand this emotionally, I needed someone to tell me what to do. I could not make another decision on my own. My wonderful step son added his opinion and tried to help me make a decision.
I finally did make the decision not to go. I knew Continue reading In closing this series
Bill talks as well as can be expected
In September 2017
I’ve asked Bill what his world is like because it could help other people who have loved ones with dementia. It may also help others who already have it what they could expect for themselves, and their loved ones.
Now, some may not go through the same steps in the same order, some may have none of the views of their unfortunate condition, but this may help everyone with dementia. His first answer was that it is none of their business; let them find out for themselves.
Bill had been declining on a regular basis. The time had come that he wanted to tell what was going on in his own mind. By then, he could mostly talk so that it was understandable but his sentences were still broken. He was always soft-spoken and kind. Never would he get angry and push people away, never would he get angry or annoyed with me.
Since he has always had trouble finding the right words to describe how he is feeling, I thought that if I helped him find some words it might help him, he would be able to express himself. Therefore, I asked him if the world looked normal to him
He said that it didn’t but he just didn’t know what he is supposed to do anymore. Bill also replied that he didn’t feel as if the world was normal, but I don’t know how to… no words were able to get out after those words. I then asked him if the world seemed upside down to him. He thought for a few minutes, looked at the floor, then at me and with tears in his eyes, his answer was yes, it kind of did seem upside down. Once again, I asked him with tears in my eyes if the world made any sense to him at all. It took him a few minutes to answer that question too. … His answer was that nothing made any sense to him anymore.
Those were his answers. These remarks were made sporadically… I don’t know what I am supposed to do. I asked if he wanted to go for a walk. He would always want to know where we going to walk to. I told him that it was just to the office and back. He would be okay. Today I asked Bill what his world feels like to him. At first, he said that it was none of their business. Then I asked him if his world seemed to be upside down and if it makes him feel lost. He finally answered that it was upside down and he didn’t know what he is supposed to do. I told him that I only could guess how that felt, but I thought that he was brave being in that kind of world and functioning anyway.
Continue reading Bill Tells All He Can
The word “Remember” can invoke many thoughts to each of us. You may even wonder where to begin. I’m sure that each of us could write a book on our own memories. I’m only thinking of the first thing that this precious word makes me want to write. Continue reading Remember