Getting past the grief

I’m still trying to get past the grief of losing my husband, and the physical overcomes me. After falling 10-12 times in May, I find myself in a live in physical therapy facility with having had a concussion, a fractured humorous in 2 places, and stitches above my eye with a beautiful black eye which runs into my side hair-line.

I shouldn’t complain too much about it, but they won’t let me go home at this time. I’ve been told there are several issues or reasons I can’t go home and they are; I have a memory problem, I can’t be trusted  not to fall down again, and I am not able to write a check because I forgot how to write one. These are the reasons I’ve been told why I can’t go home, because they say I am not able to live by myself.

What would you do if you found yourself in the same situation? First of all I will never again say I forgot while I am in here. I took a plain check size piece of paper, wrote each line – date, amount with dollar sign, pay to the order of, memo, and signature; then I filled it in. I then took that check and put it on the social services desk with a note saying that this was one excuse that she could no longer use.

This morning I told the nurse that I would like the doctor to end my treatment of Percocet and put me on 800 mg of Ibuprofen instead.  I don’t know where they got the notion that I use Hydrocodone at home and I use it all the time. Then I go and ask for more.

At the hospital upon discharge to here, I was told very different things then what they are telling me upon admission to this rehabilitation unit. There are no things that can’t be attributed to the care of my husband at home; he was taken away from me and then his being admitted to here.  Then I watched him become sicker and sicker until he died a painful death. This was not figured into this equation. How quickly they put up the reasons for me not to go home, but quicker they forgot the pain that I have been through after I said a last goodbye to my husband of 30 years.

That last goodbye took place in this very room that I am in now. When I came to see him, I found him, a cold skeleton with his head bent back and eyes open. No one was aware of his death. I put his head in the normal position, closed his eyes, and kissed him for the last time. Then I went to find the nurse to let her know that he had died. After that some friends came to pick me up and I went home to a cold house and the knowledge he would never come home again.

Of course these things could never have affected my memory, nor could the concussion I suffered because of the last two falls I took at home. One split my forehead just over my eye needing nine stitches and fractured my humorous. Then I had the gall of falling backward on the cement because I couldn’t steer my four-wheeled walker with one arm in a sling. This was the unfortunate fall that put me in the hospital. This is the one that confused my memory further. The doctors in the hospital told me that I was falling down because of a low amount of vitamin B-12. They pumped me full of that vitamin plus some others. I also receive the same here.

I’ve been here in this live-in therapy place for two weeks now. I can now walk without a cane; I can balance myself and am retraining myself to walk a straight line with one foot in front of the other. I refuse to say anything to the effect of I don’t remember or I got confused.

I will go home, and not to a place of assistance because I am able to care for myself.  I am trying to go beyond what physical therapy expects of me, and I am. So each exercise if they say do ten, I do fifteen. There is no reason to not let me go home.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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