ICU Video 1

Boo, there is only one person that knows if I have been scammed or not. I am very interested in knowing what your thoughts are now. You have watched me pretty closely these past 11 months so the answer is obvious to you. What say you? Was I scammed or not?
I am not only going to call you Boo, but I think that the name Jeremy is common and I’ve always loved that name so I’ll call you Boo and Jeremy too.
A scammer must listen attentively, but ladies, you can listen ... really listen.
Martin, if you don't know what I mean that I haven't forgotten about you, just think about that for a while.

I got something that money can’t buy. The price was worth what I received.

ICU Scammer

This section is for the scams that are centered in Nigeria, in West Africa. Many women are being taken for all the money they have and some that they don’t have. It has been dubbed The Nigerian Trail of Tears. There are many many nationwide that have fallen in to the trap of these love scams. So many women do not want to acknowledge that they are or have been scammed. They find it embarrassing to admit to, and some believe in their scammer so much, that refuse to acknowledge that they are even being scammed now after paying many thousands of dollars.
I also got scammed, several times by several types of scams. One I led on, and the other I considered a friend, but he turned on me and he ended up scamming me for a little money. Another was an imposter imitating Daniel Lissing formerly WRCMP on When Calls the Heart. He is the one that I led on to see where it was going.
The last and most recent one is along the script from The Nigerian Trail of Tears. I will be making videos of my experiences with this scam, and how it has turned out for me so far after communicating with him for almost a year. I will refer to him as Boo, because this is a scary game and also Jeremy because that is a common name.
I wish all those who want to understand what happened and quit beating themselves up over this most unflattering thing that could ever happen to them listen and invite them to contact me through the form below. Any who would like to tell their stories to help educate the women on how to avoid this love scam then by all means let’s tell it, and if you just would like to make comment, feel free to do just that. Identify or remain anonymous it makes no difference.
I live in a small town in Missouri, and I went into a store to send money by WU, and the clerk said that there were seven other women already had been in the store before me sending money to Nigeria too. It can be a terrible experience for many, leaving them with an empty wallet and a broken heart. I’ll be reading some experiences of others and also part of my own story too.
I find it terribly sad that scammers, (both men and women) are able to make someone fall in love with them and have no emotions as they are taking money from these people they have never met but promised to marry. Tune in for the first video labled Video 1 and then video 2. Immediately following this page.

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Just one wish

I know what I would ask for; I would ask to be given the same opportunity that Adam and Eve had. If you stop to think about this, what would that exactly entail? Well, according to the story of creation, Adam was created first, and Eve was made from Adam’s rib, and she was presented to him. They were told they were husband and wife. He was so happy that he said “At last, this is flesh of my flesh and bone of my bones.” He was grateful to have a mate to keep him company and be a complement of him.

In the garden of Eden Adam and Eve were perfect. Just think, that was a perfect body and a perfect brain. What could be contained in a perfect brain? In my mind’s eye, I would never forget anything, not names, or conversations, or anything I have ever learned in my life. Math would be a snap for problem solving would not be a problem. We could easily learn any type of work that we wished to learn and only have to be told how to do things once. An infinite amount of information would be stored in our brains. Can you imagine that? All these things and more would be attained in just one wish.

The things that I have learned in my lifetime are so small compared to what I would love to explore and learn about. I would love to learn to play the piano, the guitar, the flute, and other instruments. I want to know all the species of animals, plants, fish, and trees. Then there is food so many foods I’ve never known and let alone tasted. I would have always liked to have my hands in the dirt to grow things, but the heat and the sun have been my adversaries. We get sick, old and die. Right now that is a fact of life. Will it ever be different from it is today? What would be the benefit of that? What would you like to do? Swim with the whales? Explore the jungle? Pet a tiger or a lion, ride a hippopotamus? Nothing would be unattainable with just one wish.

How would the earth be? Would there be global warming today? How about air, water and soil pollution? Would they be here today, or would the earth be perfect too? It would have to be since mankind would not be ruining the earth. Think how green the grass would be, the deserts would be filled with life and beauty, the oceans would be oh so blue. That is to say that man is ruining the earth; all because of greed, selfishness and wickedness in the world. Think of what the earth would have been had Adam not sinned. There would be no imperfection. Think what men do now. Trash is everywhere, people are greedy and so food for their people sit on the docks rotting, cruelty is at a peak, the list goes on and on. One wish would clean the earth of selfishness.

There would be no death. It’s interesting that the sentence God passed on Adam was sin and death. Sin is missing the mark of perfection. Since Adam missed the mark of perfection when he disobeyed God, he could not pass on anything else but imperfection, sin, and death to his children. Imperfection leads to death. God said that Adam would die and so he did. God said as he pronounced sentence on Adam that when he died he would return to the ground; for dust he was, and to dust he would return. So, this is the sentence for all men; death and they must return to the dust, for that is what Adam did. Just think what would happen if we had just one wish.

If all people were perfect just think; there would be no one picking up a gun to kill another, no hatred, no wars, no starvation, no physical, mental, or sexual abuse. That one wish would sure cover every wish anyone could want. No sickness of any kind. No doctors, nurses, or any kind of medical personal needed. No lawyers would be needed ever because everyone on the earth would perfect and could settle any differences if there were any. Husbands abusing their wives would be unheard of and instead of abuse, all husbands would be handling headship in the correct way. I could live with all those things that Adam robbed from us. If no one hated, no wars. If people shared, no starvation. There would be no illnesses. This would be possible with just one wish.

Adam disobeyed God and made us all sin and die. What would you have done? Disobey God, or have been faithful to God?

What you want if you had just one wish?

 

Poems

This poem was written by an unknown author. It came from a web page link I found on another website. I think this is the most romantic poem I have read in a long time.

I Dreamt of you late last night
Dancing in the soft moonlight
Gently you moved twirled and swayed
Making love to the sweet serenade
Letting your hair trickle down
Caressing your lavender evening gown
Diamonds and pearls in your eyes
Heaven below the starry sky.
Tiffany Crystal upon your feet
Like the fairytale so unique
You glide as though you’re in the ballet
With form as beautiful as a bouquet
The evening sparkled with romance
My heart surrendered while you danced
I stood humbled as you gleamed
Last night with you upon a dream

 

 

My Sweet, Charming, Man

My Sweet Charming Man

I haven’t written in a while and, I thought it is about time for something else to be added to my poor neglected blog. My attention and my heart now belong to a charming, energetic man who I adore. It feels strange to me. After all, being married for 30 years, and never had any interest in another man. After Bill died, I never thought that I could ever be interested in someone else again nor was I looking. Wow, was I in for a big, wonderful surprise. I feel as if I am about to embark on an exciting life adventure.

Yes, I did love my husband very much, but it is time to move on. My man is very attentive, loving, kind, forgiving and genuinely the same man he presents to the world. Everyone loves him. I was surprisingly drawn to him quickly, and like a magnet with a strong pull, his power drew me directly to him. Of course, I am not trying to get away and have no interest in leaving.

He lives in the moment and enjoys every moment of life. Relax and smile with that big beautiful smile my charming man for I have no interest in getting away and intend to learn from you how once again to live every moment of life as if it were my last. I will learn to once again live in appreciation of the beauty that God has given to humanity. Never again losing that desire to observe life is what you will remind me of and both of us will live that way too.

There came a day that I thought it was time to take my wedding band off to prove to myself and to my charming man that I am ready to move on in life. I removed my wedding band. Surprisingly, I felt as if I finally buried Bill. Prince Charming smiled in approval of my decision. We had never talked about it. Never asked me to remove the ring. Now I feel like a 30-year-old just becoming interested in a particular man for the first time. A large weight is lifting off of my shoulders.

I find myself walking around smiling all the time. Walking is hardly the right word; it is more like floating around smiling and feeling on top of the world. Of course, my charming man is the one who has lifted me out of a feeling of depression and brought me into a world of euphoria, real hope and the world of the living once again.

My friends know there is a big change in me for they witness it. They look at me, smile, and tell me I sure look good. What is going on they all wonder, but they don’t need to know, and they don’t dare ask. Besides, I fear the single ladies will try to steal him away from me. His qualities display as a man very desirable for a woman to want to wed  .

I do feel like shouting it from the rooftop, but I can’t stand heights. I get dizzy before I get more than three steps from the bottom and I fear the fall to the ground might hurt. As it was, we both fell recently when I accidentally bumped into him. We both hit the ground hard and got hurt, but we both are healing as expected.

I see how beautiful, thoughtful and precious his words are to me and his love will remain precious to me, and I will protect that love so that it never gets hurt. He makes me smile and laugh both through his words, and his actions are just showering me with all the love he has to give, and I am the fortunate one he has chosen to give that love. Smile my love, for I do appreciate your attention and true affections. I will show that same love to you as you do to me.

The conversations we have are always up-building and honest. My charming man and I are not afraid to talk about our feelings. I cannot stand not talking to him every day of the week, I miss him every moment we are apart and love him every second we are not together. I do have to get used to us not being together as much as we both want to. His job takes him away from the area, and the demand for him is getting larger. Since I am not part of that industry, I will stay here and wait for his return. I want him to enjoy the work he has put so much effort into, and I would never want to deny him the feeling of accomplishment that he will gain from these experiences. They say “absence makes the heart grow fonder,” I would love to know who “they” are, wouldn’t you? I don’t think “They” have ever experienced separation from anyone.

I will find other things to take up my time. I have this blog,  and I think my needed help will not be needed as often since my fractures have healed and we are treating the rotator cuff conservatively with cortisone shots. We’ll see what the future holds for us both. I also have my photography and editing passion and have made some lovely pieces I will sell as one of a kind since they will be just that.

No longer, my friends, do you have to worry about me because as low as I was, I am now that high and smiling all day long. I feel alive, and that is a wonderful feeling I never want to lose again.

 

In closing this series

Not that I fear death nor do I forget that this is a sensitive subject. This is particularly something that is on my mind since my husband passed away on December 7,  2017. There is only so much that one person can do by themselves and everyone expects them to hold it together. My stepson and a brother-in-law have been helping me with the details.

Well, we are burying him in his hometown of Fairbury, NE two days after the memorial, those were his last wishes. Therefore since I don’t have a car anymore, and I was in an extreme state of emotional turmoil these were the reasons that kept me from making another simple decision. Whether I could drive myself up there and/or stand this emotionally, I needed someone to tell me what to do. I could not make another decision on my own. My wonderful step son added his opinion and tried to help me make a decision.

I finally did make the decision not to go. I knew Continue reading In closing this series

Bill and I

 

 

Below is the last picture I took of Bill before he got real sick. In this picture he looked contented and peaceful. He was just glad that I was there so he could hold me again. From here his final nose dive. From this time on, he was not my husband. I didn’t know the man this mental illness turned him into.

He weighed about 140 lbs so  far and used to weigh 188. He turned into a very different man, pushing every one away and hitting some people including me. These are the days I went home and cried.

I don’t feel as if I have mourned Bill yet. Maybe I mourned him until the day he died. The strange thing about this is something that Alzheimer’s disease does not do. Bill still recognized me and I could tell by the way he looked at me and listened intently to what I was saying to him. Long before the time Alzheimer’s patients are dying, they don’t know who anyone is.

Yes, I believe that Dementia is very different from Alzheimer’s and this is from my own personal experience. This is the photo where we cuddled for the last time

filter on relax
Before Bill got real sick,

 

 

 

 

Bill Tells All He Can

 

Bill talks as well as can be expected

 

In September, 2017

I’ve asked Bill what his world is like, because it could help other people who have loved ones with dementia. It may also help others who already have it what they could expect for themselves, and their loved ones.

Now, some may not go through the same steps in the same order, some may have none of the view of their unfortunate condition, but this may help everyone with dementia. His first answer was that it is none of their business; let them find out for themselves.

 

October, 2017

Bill had been declining on a regular basis. The time had come that he wanted to tell what was going on in his own mind. By then, he could mostly talk so that it was understandable but his sentences were still broken. He was always soft spoken and kind. Never would he get angry and push people away, never would he get angry or annoyed with me.

Since he has always had trouble finding the right words to describe how he is feeling, I thought that if I helped him find some words it might help him, he would be able to express himself.  Therefore, I asked him if the world looked normal to him

He said that it didn’t but he just didn’t know what he is supposed to do anymore. Bill also replied that he didn’t feel as if the world was normal, but I don’t know how to…. no words were able to get out after those words.  I then asked him if the world seemed upside down to him. He thought for a few minutes, looked at the floor, then at me and with tears in his eyes, his answer was yes, it kind of did seem upside down.  Once again, I asked him with tears in my eyes if the world made any sense to him at all. It took him a few minutes to answer that question too. …  His answer was that nothing made any sense to him any more.

Those were his answers. These remarks were made sporadically…. I don’t know what I am supposed to do. I asked if he wanted to go for a walk. He would always want to know where we going to walk to. I told him that it was just to the office and back. He would be okay. Today I asked Bill what his world feels like to him. At first, he said that it was none of their business. Then I asked him if his world seemed to be upside down and if it makes him feel lost. He finally answered that it was upside down and he didn’t know what he is supposed to do. I told him that I only could guess how that felt, but I thought that he was brave being in that kind of world and functioning anyway.

Continue reading Bill Tells All He Can

A little behind

chasing behindI know that I have not written in a while as Bill has slowly declined to the point that he is at now.

It started when he fell and hurt his back and ribs on the left side. He would scream every time someone would try to help him up or move him. I had to call the paramedics just to get him off the cold bathroom floor to bed. He didn’t want to go to the hospital so I told the paramedics that he didn’t want to go. After I tried to take care of him and get him up, he would scream that his back hurt. When I sat him back down on the bed I told him that he was hurt and needed to go to the hospital.

When the staff took a CT scan of his head, neck, ribs and back, they could find any medical reason to keep him there at the hospital. The social worker for the hospital said that he needed to go to a nursing home and the only bed that was available was 35 miles away and I said no as to putting him that far away. The staff in the ER asked me what I was going to do with him. I told them I would take him back home with me. They asked how I was going to take care of him. I answered the only thing I could. I would take care of him the best I could, just the way I have been doing.

For the next few days, I had to call the paramedics every day to help get him up off the floor because he would scream every time I tried to help him. He then got weaker and at first, I could help him get to the bathroom because he was able to help me. As the days passed by, he was getting quite weak, and I was unable to help him any longer. The paramedics took him once again to the hospital.

It so happened that the social worker for this particular chain of hospitals was there in the hospital. She looked at both of us and informed me that I was not taking him home anymore. He would be placed in one of the nursing homes in town so at least I am able to get there to see him. I asked her where we could talk quietly. We were escorted to a quiet room with some comfortable furniture and we all sat down. The social director talked to me and told me I was unable to care for him myself anymore, I needed help. To make sure that I understood, she asked me to look at myself. I couldn’t even stand up straight anymore, I’m falling down more, and I am in pain from my own illnesses.

At this time, she pointed out that I was getting so that I can’t take care of myself let alone Bill. I finally agreed that he should go to a nursing home. I didn’t wait for him to get settled, but I left soon after I signed the papers. I couldn’t take any more of this right now.

This is not my husband that I go to visit. My husband has disappeared into the grips of that ugly monster that has been trying to swallow him whole. In just four days, he went from my sweet, soft spoken, gentle loving man to a man who is a stranger to me. He’s been there a month, and there have been glimpses of recognition of me. One day he remembered me for a couple of hours. It was wonderful; he opened his arms to acknowledge me. His eyes had that boyish twinkle, then he kissed me so tenderly. He was talking to me, and his speech was clear so we lay in his bed talking and I read him some of the bible. Lunch then came and I tried to feed him. He ate some bites of a couple of food items I know he likes, but he didn’t even want to eat more than one or two bites.

Bill becomes aggressive and has hit aides that were trying to get him to do things he does not want to do. He’s hit me too, but I remind myself that he can’t help it. This is the monster within.